Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Work: 
Meghan Bell Talks to Three Women About Coming out at Work
As the late San Francisco Supervisor, Harvey Milk, famously said, “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” But does that translate to wherever you work, too? It can be argued that coming out at work is just as important, if not more so, than coming out in your private life. Many gay women, however, see the issue in a different light.
A report released by Stonewall.org in 2008 concludes that for women in particular, coming out at work can be a challenge some dare not take on. In the report, titled “The Double-Glazed Glass Ceiling,” women asked about their experiences as lesbian and bisexual employees generally expressed a reluctance to come out to coworkers. “If they can hide the fact that they're gay,” states the report's introduction, “some... just do that.”
This attitude can be seen in both the private and public sectors: out of 535 members of the U.S. Congress, 93 of them women, only one is out as a lesbian. Representative Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin holds the coveted, if disappointing title of the only out lesbian elected official at the federal level. Talk about taxation without representation!
At the same time, lesbian and bisexual women are getting more representation in the media than ever. With Ellen Degeneres getting props from Oprah (as if she needs them!), and Rachel Maddow (not) running for Senate, it seems like a great time to be a gay woman on TV. And the list of out lesbian and bisexual actresses and singers keeps growing, to include entertainers such as “Queen of Pop” Lady Gaga, actress Anna Paquin and controversial Christian singer, Jennifer Knapp.
With such mixed messages coming out of my TV and computer machines, I wanted to know what the deal was with real lesbian and bisexual women coming out at work. The only way to really find out is to ask, so I put together some questions and headed over to AfterEllen.com, a popular lesbian hangout on the internet, to see what kind of responses I could get.
Not surprisingly, the responses were as diverse as the lesbian/bisexual community itself. One conclusion which can be drawn from these women's experiences? We've come a long way, but we've still got a long way left to go.
JORDI
Meghan Bell: What was your coming out process like at work?
Jordi: I work for a state recreation park in Indiana, in a fairly small town, so there are a lot of closed-minded people around me at all times. I never mention my sexuality at work, and generally give vague answers to personal questions. A conservation officer noticed my rainbow bracelet and asked if I was gay. I of course, responded with a yes. Then word spread like wildfire and everyone in the park knew about it. Lots of negative comments, rude jokes, and one of the men even carved the words "lady fag" on my locker.
MB: Have you felt any effects, positive or negative, since you came out?
Jordi: At first, it was the main subject at the park. I got lots of questions, people made crude remarks, and the women who worked there generally stayed away from me. Gradually things calmed down, and I wasn't the hot topic anymore. Which was a huge relief for me. It ended up not being an issue as far as my work, personality, and attitude went. I won several awards for my hard work, and became great friends with the supervisors and managers in the area. So, it was a bittersweet sort of situation.
MB: If your work puts you in the public eye, how did that affect your decision to come out?
Jordi: It didn't. I work around hunters, campers, beach goers, hikers, etc. However, there were several visitors that let their "gaydar" ding my way. I've heard things such as "Glad to see family in this neck of the woods," or, "Hey, I'm a sister too." Not many people noticed it, but the ones that did were cool and low key about it.
SIRÈNE
MB: What was your coming out process like at work?
Sirène: I'm very lucky as my experience has been very positive at work. There are two other gay guys where I work, and they were pretty much out to everyone before me (even though they arrived after). It did make me feel safer 'spreading the news'. In the beginning, I only told a few people and planned to keep it that way, but then I realized I have nothing to hide.
It may have been a little easier for my gay colleagues to just be out because they have partners which they are open about in conversation. I, on the other hand, am single so the subject only comes up from time to time. However, I tend to follow the same model - be out instead of come out.
Most of the people who know me best in the company know about it. If I had a girlfriend, I'd have no problem letting everyone know, if the subject came up. For me, it's like what you call an 'open secret', I didn't send out a memo or shake hands with people saying "Hi, I'm Debbie, and I like girls!". I'm not sure my bosses know, but I don't have personal conversations with them usually.
Other aspects that made me feel safe being out included the laws in this country, which don't allow discrimination on the grounds of sexuality; most of the people in the company are quite young, and in fact the average age is 26 (youngest is 23, so most are generally open-minded. It almost feels like I'm still in university In fact, I can count the number of individuals over 40 on one hand and no one is above 50). Also, the kind of sector I am in is pretty liberal in a way, so that tends to tie in with the open-mindedness.
MB: Have you felt any effects, positive or negative, from coming out?
Sirène: Other than positive reactions, nothing major has happened. To some extent it's brought me closer to some of my colleagues, a few of whom I consider friends. I get asked questions about sexuality and the community by others who want to learn more and understand, which I have found both very flattering and humbling. I've had one colleague come out to me as well for the first time, and it was awesome to have someone trust me enough to do that. It definitely hasn't affected my work, or my position in the company.
JEN
MB: Do you perceive your work environment as a hostile coming out environment?
Jen: It's a conservative company founded upon Christian principles. Even with the company's "morals" I don't see it as a hostile environment. We have 2 gay male employees and 1 lesbian employee.
MB: Have you come out in your private life to any extent?
Jen: Yes, I'm out to my immediate family as well as a handful of close friends.
MB: If your work puts you in the public eye, how has that affected your decision not to come out?
Jen: I don't want the people I come in to contact with (outside of my coworkers) to feel uncomfortable with me in any way.
MB: If you have only come out to a select individual or group of individuals, what was their reaction like?
Jen: All of my friends and family have been great. They support me and love me for who I am. Gay or straight, I'm still the same person I've always been.
Meghan Bell is a freelance writer in Sacramento. She can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
